mommy guilt

Motherhood demands of many things. It demands our time. It demands our energy. To be quite honest, lately I have really been struggling with guilt on many levels.
Guilt #1- I love nursing my babies, not just for the many health benefits, but its something I really love (i know, i know, im a little crazy maybe).  Two months ago I made the decision to quit nursing #3 for many reasons some of which included being able to leave the house for more than 2 hours, and I was ready to lose the lingering baby weight. Since switching to formula my sweet boy has been sick with one thing after the next, and although I know it is not my fault, I feel so guilty thinking that had a kept nursing he could have avoided all this crummy sickness. Like even tonight he was up coughing, cant breathe and all I could think was, I wish I would have kept nursing him so he wouldnt be this sick.
Guilt #2- My amazing mother taught me several years ago from a book called And Then I Had Kids by Susan Yates (i think) that I was a "DO-er" and so the toddler years were going to present several challenges for me.  There are "Do-ers" and "Be-ers" ..and my synopsis is horrible...but basically "do-ers" always have the list of 10000 things that need to be done (laundry, dishes, ect) and really struggle to sit down and play and just "be".  And so "be-ers" are just that ...they are good at sitting and enjoying the now and they will worry about the to-do list later. (Horrible explanation just go get the book and read it!) Point is- at all times I feel like/ and want to be doing the 1000000 things that need to be done around the house and I really struggle with feeling guilty that im not good at just sitting and "be-ing" and enjoying the chaos. I literally have to tell myself daily to stop "doing"and enjoy making messes and letting the kids just be kids. Laundry can wait.
Guilt #3- That I am heavier than I would like to be right now. Yes its the holidays, and yes I just had my 3rd child..but seriously I just would love to be back in a size 2 (ok so maybe I havent been a 2 since 8th grade) but I just want to lose the weight like yesterday.  
Guilt #4- I never give my husband the best of me. Most days by the time we get all three kids in bed I wanna pass out in an XL tshirt on the couch and read a book. Not that I do (well ok, some days...most days...lets be honest yoga pants and a tshirt are my wardrobe of choice.) 
Guilt #5 That Im not a good friend.

And to be really honest, I am melancholy (go read Spirit Controlled Temperaments by Tim LaHaye for more on that) and I could dwell in the negative frustrating parts of my life all day long...and to be honest, ive been having a mighty  big pity party in my head for the last 6 weeks or so and have decided enough is enough.

I was in my sister in laws wedding with a sweet girl who since wrote a book and I was given it as a gift for christmas! To say the author has a gift is an understatement. Kate Conner powerfully shares some truth especially geared towards teenage girls, but one part spoke hugely to my heart-

"YOU ARE ENOUGH... I suspect that all of us would be undone as we, battered and bruised, climbed out from under the weight of all the things we've been measuring ourselves for our entire lives. You are enough. This is the truth with which we wage war on insecurity...This truth-the scandalous love of God that calls us beautiful and valuable and enough- will rescue them, and us, all over again."

As a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend I confess that I have been battered and bruised by the weight of expectations I have had for myself. The truth that I am DEEPLY loved, wholly forgiven my the creator of the universe is enough. He calls be beautiful. He calls me valuable. He has rescued my heart, mind and spirit and he will continue to rescue me over and over again.  

If there is one truth that resonates in my life as I look back it is that The Lord is faithful. He was faithful then, He is faithful now and He will be faithful.  

I can stand tall and proud in the truth that I am his child and I am enough. 

So today I will be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend that I can be. I will give the BEST of me to the ones I love. I will love that my body was able to carry my 3 sweet children, and I will chose to be joyful with the few extra pounds as I continue to pursue being the healthiest me. I will forgive myself for not being perfect and most importantly choose to TRUST that I am enough.