Our sweet children are only 19 months apart so the transition to two children was a challenging one for me. As most women would probably agree with, I like to have control of things. With two that young it seems like nearly nothing was ever in control. If the kids were happy and content the house was usually in need of a good cleaning, and if the house looked slightly clean I usually had screaming kids or it was less than 5 minutes and a new beautiful, fun mess was made. And like I tried many a times to convince myself "excuse the mess my children are making memories" did not always work to make me feel better. This endless cycle of nothing ever completely being in order or the way I thought I really needed it to be slowly began wearing me out.
Fast forward a few months and thus began my "pull your big girl panties up and get over it" stage. I would sit and complain about everything and then tell my sweet darling husband, "I need to just pull my big girl panties up and get over it dont I ?!?!? " After patiently listening and encouraging me well for several months he helped me see that I get to determine the way my life goes. I get to either be positive or negative. Every day I get to make a choices that are going to lead me in one direction or another. And no, life is not perfect and throws us all curve balls, but here is what I have realized has made the biggest impact on my life:
BEING INTENTIONAL.
It started with me. I decided to care about myself and my body and do something to improve me. I made a choice to give some nutrition products I thought were "not for me" a try because as my husband kept saying- why not? what do you have to lose? So I stepped out and gave the products a chance and LOVED them. Regained confidence, had more energy than ever, felt better than ever and got a whole new wardrobe cause my pre-baby clothes finally fit again. It might sound crazy, but this is really what got me started on the right foot. Cause here is the deal with me- I often get stuck in my crazy head with all the would have/could have/ should have ideas and live in frustration. I made a choice to improve me and it worked.
Then I started being intentional in my marriage. Finding ways to serve and love my husband well. Thinking for him and his needs rather than my own for once. Being thankful for the ways that he provides for our family and allows me to stay home and raise our family. Prioritizing date nights- which meant finding a babysitter and trusting that they would be just fine without mommy snuggling them to sleep every night just perfectly. And amazingly... my marriage improved greatly. We began LISTENING to one another! which is huge!! I actually thought I was a good listener until I actually really listened to what he was saying, rather than thinking about what I was going to say back! LISTEN MORE_ TALK LESS... it does wonders to a marriage. We have been amazingly blessed with generations of strong marriages as examples but in the end- to have a good strong marriage you must invest in it.
When you first find your identity in Christ alone, you are able to go in to your marriage with strength rather than sucking the life out of your marriage with a list of never ending expectations that no matter who you married THEY WILL NEVER MEASURE UP. Why? Because we are ALL sinners in desperate need of GRACE. And when we realize how CRAZY the God of the universe is about us and how much he loved us IN-SPITE of all our craziness- we can THEN and only THEN love the sinner/crazy person we married.
In return I have learned to be more intentional with the time I have with my children. Which many days means letting the dishes sit in the sink a little longer so I can put clothes on baby dolls or roll cars down the roller coaster. Still struggle to quit "doing" and just "be" but I strive to be the best mommy I can be and love these sweet babies well.
I have learned to invest in friends & neighbors. We need relationships. As mommies we need the conversation and sanity that comes with sharing life with other mommies. We need perspective on life and marriage and parenting. The majority of my transformation actually began with walking with a good friend and neighbor. Getting out the door was never easy or fun- but it was wonderful and necessary.
ALL that to say... Choose to Be Intentional.
First with your relationship with Jesus. Nothing in or of this world will EVER satisfy. Find a church, bible study or friend that is a believer and ask questions. Learn more about who God is and how truly CRAZY he is about you. He sent his only son to die- for you.
Second- with yourself. Be intentional to improve yourself, your weaknesses. Take a step forward in some area that often holds you back.
Third- with your marriage. If you have kids- your kids NEED you to care about your marriage. They will learn how to LOVE & serve by your example. Whether your husband is crazy or not - make a choice that you are in it for the long haul. buckle down and learn how to love your man well. ITS NOT EASY but who said us crazy women are easy to love :)
Fourth-your family. Kids, extended family, in laws.
lastly- friends, co-workers. Be intentional with good healthy relationships.
As my wise mommy always said "seek to understand and you cant help but love."
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